She talks and points and gestures and smiles.

I stare and back into a vacuum it sucks me, everything simmers to a murmur. The vein pulsates and the sound of the pressurized blood grows louder and louder.

She is talking and I am desperately trying to lip read.

“So, do you understand? Today’s a really important day. Not only do we have a visit from Head Office, we’re due our next mystery shopper within the next week. We’ve got brand new promotions starting today. We want to treat them like royalty- remember- every customer, every time. Link sell: nobody to walk away with one item. Remember every product has a perfect partner. We want an opening, a greeting, eye contact, a basket in their hands, all the offers in their heads and tumor on their sense of perspective. We’re doing them a favour- this is helping them. Share your passion. Big smiles, approachable body language.”

Smiles, eye contact, blood hounds

“New philosophy we’re introducing today. Product not price. We’re all guilty of it you know; you tend to look at a customer and assume their price bracket. Don’t. There’s no such limit. Offer them everything. Show them the regime. Demonstrate it, talk about it; share your knowledge of the ingredients all to the backdrop of the Community Trade scheme. This is helping cocoa bean farmers in Ghana. Business with a conscience okay?”

Business with a conscience: the night sky with a sun

“Offer the card to them! They can’t know about the wonderful discount they’re entitled to otherwise. The more they spend, the more they save! This is something wonderful for them. Make it clear: collect five hundred stamps and get 15% off your next purchase.”

“We reached our target for this hour!” The eyes flash.
“We’re top in the region!” This time they blaze.
“We’ve opened more store cards than any other branch!” Sporadic sparks in both.
“We really impressed in the head office visit!” Optics flare.
“We’ve done fabulously with the mystery shopper!” Spontaneous combustion.

“It’s all about wording. Be careful how you phrase things; Broaden the sales pitch with open questions. Present them with as many opportunities as you can, there is no limit. The product is theirs, the profit yours.”

May all your sales be beautiful
All your funerals fun
Gaze up in wonder
You are not liable
The night sky with a sun